Apricot tree with painted trunk
So, hello there. Per usual, I had a lot to say last night as I wasn't falling asleep, but it's since been lost in the flurry of snow shovelling, catching up on work, and the requisite hours I set aside for worrying. Which leaves me not much of import to say right now aside from saying - isn't that a pretty bunch of green in the above photo? Let's hear it for the green!
Ahem. I haven't mentioned it here, but there are moments when my usual grey cynicaldepressedfog is pierced by some pretty fabulous rays of ridiculous upbeatism. I think sometimes that that's the only reason I'm alive. Coating the sinister core of my pessimist heart is a thick layer of happiness. Lately I've been feeling that more often than not. Which is actually a bit strange, given my unsaid circumstances. I haven't figured out why, but I'm sure it's in part due to people like Shannon and Tavia, and M. In addition, maybe it's because I'm being more honest with myself.
Let's see, what else? The above tree is up in the orchard behind where I'm sitting right now. The paint is on the trunk to prevent borer damage, among other things. (non-segue) I made two loaves of bread yesterday - they turned out delightfully. I made a basic white bread recipe and I threw in some leftover pesto. The resulting bread was aesthetically pleasing and also tasty.
Lastly: a question for anyone who reads - I am becoming happier for a number of reasons. However, I am at any moment likely to have my legs taken out from under me emotionally, very much akin to swiping the feet out from under someone with a big stick. The plunges I take result in all kinds of foolish thoughts. What do I do with these? Jumping into the frozen Hudson River, while tempting at times, is not the way to go.
(cue cheery music, because, no, I won't be doing fatally stupid things anytime soon. More likely, I'll be regretting talking about such a sensitive topic with such a ham-hand. Ham-mouth, whatever.)
4 comments:
I really liked this post. The words seem to move with a lyricism that says, "you, too, go to an orchard and view new growth! hurry!"
peace to you.
Hey Anne,
Happiness is good. Take it where you can find it. I'm happy to see M. as part of your happiness. Your bread has me hungry-nothing better than homemade bread-- I'm such a stupid, I haven't eaten a big hunk o’ bread in much too long. We need to find some reminder to hang where we won't miss it, that the bad will pass and there will be bread.
Love to you Anne-hand to heart.
Like the picture-what a pretty tree!
I liked this post too-you're a good writer. My sis is going through a really hard time and I say to her-there's no such thing as happily ever after-that's an unattainable standard. Sometimes we're happy and sometimes not-there's no law that says we have to be up-up-up all the time just take care of yourself. I envy your breadmaking skills....
I like your new profile picture! What is it?
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