Not sure what to say.

I'm doing ok myself, not particularly great, just ok.... but I got some truly awful news last night that I haven't really processed yet. One of my best friends, Kelly, called me late last week and left a message on my machine. Her voice sounded funny, so I knew something wasn't right; I didn't get a chance to call her back till last night. It turns out that her mom committed suicide last week. What do you say to that? I just don't know. She lives in California, so I cannot go out and be with her, which is what I dearly wish I could do. I met Kelly in the Peace Corps. We were placed together at a site on the midwestern coast of Sri Lanka; the tales we could tell from our five-ish months there would fill volumes. Our time together came to an end because our placement there got very bad in terms of wierdness and our general safety, but for the remaining time as volunteers, we visited at least once a month. She was and is like a sister to me. I hate that she is so far away. Unlike my friendship with Shannon, which has been pretty much conflict-free for (good Lord) almost thirty years, we really are like sisters, complete with the fights and the drama and the making up again. We haven't fought since Sri Lanka, but she just feels like family and that's part of the reason! We are alike in so many ways - emotional, soft-hearted, animal and nature-loving, too easily hurt, sometimes poor-decision-making (especially with regard to opposite sex relationships), and we both struggle with clinical depression. Her dad died less than two years ago, too young, of liver cancer. Kelly and her sister cared for him at home until the end. Last year, she went through a difficult divorce and is now a single mom of two young children. And now this. It seems like too much for one person to bear. She sounded ok on the phone last night - tired and sad, but also solid and thoughtful. She's doing the right thing - taking her medication, and already looking to do grief counseling with a therapist. She has a one year old and a seven year old - they're great kids, lovely personalities... so she has much good in her life too, and she knows it. My heart goes out to her. I love her so much. She is strong. I know she'll get through this. I just wish she didn't have to. Suicide seems to raise more questions and leave more holes than the person who chose it seems to realize. It ultimately seems like an incredibly selfish act, and in some ways I believe it is. I've stood very close to the edge myself, but I came away from it. As down as I've been over the past months and years, I haven't seriously considered it an option since that one dark time. The idea has crossed my mind, but never for more than a passing moment. I dearly wish Kelly's mom had waited for that moment to pass.