Non-celebrity blogging, at last!

Cortlands, past harvest

(sigh of relief) There is no celebrity male gracing this entry, thank God. That was a bit of a bender I went on there. Enough! This photo was taken two days ago, out in the orchard, on a last minute harvest of Cameos. These are, as the caption says, Corts. At this point, though they may look pretty, they are mealy and or/half rotten. They do make a nice photo, though.

I'm stopped at work on my way home from class. Class sucked, as it has a tendency to do. Too much information, not enough time to practice it in. I generally have a bad attitude this semester, though. I'll make it through, but not happily. I'm tired, and I'm tired of learning. I should qualify that - I love to learn, but I suppose I don't love learning on someone else's schedule, and MAN am I sick of school. I want to take school by the throat and shake it. And maybe kick it a few times. I almost hate it. Almost. (who, me? having a good time in school a mere several weeks ago? you must be mistaken)

Anyhow, I'm tired. I must carry on. (shakes fists in the general direction of school)

Let's see... what else? Well, hmm. I made a lot of food yesterday. Zucchini cakes with tomato/feta topping, minestrone, linguini alfredo with broccoli, a tangy roasted eggplant dip/spread, and a quick salad of broccoli slaw with Ramen noodles, diced red pepper, scallions, shredded carrots, and a vinegrette dressing. That's supposed to last us through the week while I'm not home and therefore not cooking. I was pretty pleased with myself - everything is yummy. It really is.

And what else? I'm feeling irritated with my home situation. That's nothing new. What I really need to do is to overcome my apparent hatred of school, get the damned degree, and change things.

Indeed.

Enough. More on the morrow, when I will hopefully post something a bit more coherent.

Ta.

(I originally posted this on Monday night, then took it down because it seemed too negative, but I read it again and decided it's pretty much true. I am feeling less negative today, though. Except that I'm dreading clinical tonight because I am very, very tired of my instructor. That just now occurred to me. If I had a different teacher, I seriously don't think I'd be half as stressed. I do like her, but as with everything else, I'm just tired of her and her ways. Ahem. /digression)

I was also tired of having a celebrity-related posting at the top.

So, I repeat - more on the morrow.

Celebrity sighting, or my encounter with a television star in the frozen food aisle.

...so there I was in the frozen food aisle, smiling and nodding at a tall man with his son sitting in the grocery cart. He smiled and nodded back, and I went on my way, thinking, "Huh. He looks really familiar. How do I know him?" I couldn't think of how or where I might have met him. I turned the corner and went down the next frozen food aisle and saw him again - and again, I thought how do I know this man? Still couldn't figure it out. A woman then rounded the corner at a crouch with a big, silly grin on her face, staring at the guy's back. "It's him!" she hissed to her husband, "I want to get his autograph!" Her husband just looked embarrassed and told her to knock it off. That's when it finally dawned on me that, duh, I know him from television! We haven't had television for...let's see...four and a half years now (we have a t.v. set and we watch movies, but no cable so no t.v. shows), though I do watch it when I'm at my parents' house visiting. When I got to the check-out aisle, the cashier was talking to the woman in front of me, who was saying, "So that was really him, huh?" The cashier nodded and said he lives in Woodstock (which is about 20 minutes from where I live). So... who is this mystery man of whom I speak?

Vincent D'Onofrio

Pretty cool. He seemed like a decent guy. I just felt kinda bad for him because he was being stalked through the store by grinning women looking for autographs!

Just to let those of you who didn't know the fellow in my last post - that's Michael Palin of Monty Python fame. Presently - or at least recently - he does a lot of travel shows. I just love his twinkly eyes!

I'll check back in later. Ta for now!

------------------------

edited to add: I know that Mr. D'Onofrio is also a movie star. Just wanted to say that. And also? He is actually much cuter in person than that photo above would have you believe. Not that that's a bad picture, just that he's a real guy, and he's really very cute.

The end.

p.s. I promise to stop with the celebrity male photos soon. I apologize for the fangirlyness. I'm not generally like this.

More cuteness. I'm sorry. Must be some sort of hormonal thing.

Cute then....

...and cute still!

That's all I've got for you right now - more in a bit!

Stolen image. Thank you, Google.

This?

Is what I needed. Yep.

Ahem.

On my way home from lab, wherein we stumbled through another set of scenarios. Such fun. I shouldn't say it this way; I am learning. It's just that the learning process is so irritating sometimes, in that I already know some stuff, and the stuff I don't know is presented kind of stupidly. Meh.

And so I refer you to Mr. Laurie.

Cuteness is a cure for almost anything. Kittens are best at it, in my own personal estimation, but there are folks who are able to breach the kitten line.

Until Wednesday..... bye.

Repeat photo!

Persimmon, last year this time

I do have my camera back, but I need to buy it some new batteries - and so again with a repeat. This fruit is yummy only at certain times - generally after a hard frost. Prior to that, it will shink your mouth down to a tiny, tiny "O" with its horrific tannic-ness.

I went to the city (THE CITY... NYC. still makes me laugh that people refer to it that way, as if it's the only city on earth) yesterday to see "Mama Mia" on Broadway. It was fantastic! I went with two of my coworkers in what was originally to be a goodbye gift, which miraculously turned into a hello, again! gift. Yay! I am still walking on clouds about the extension of my funding. I shouldn't belabor the point, but I will one more time - I love it here. I can't even believe I got this job, and now I get to have it again for another year. It still amazes me. I'm sure I sound like a dork - I often do - but this is such a rare thing that I have. Plant pathology, entomology, horticulture - and people who care about and love those things - it's really quite amazing that I landed here. Those are the things I love, and somehow I got to be involved in it all.

Can you tell I'm feeling happier these days? Much of it has to do with this job extension, but I have been doing better overall lately. I did badly on my midterm last week (I think, but it's hard to tell), but still I'm doing fine. Generally I would be beating the crap out of myself for screwing it up - but I'm ok. I really am! If I f'd it up, I have time to make that up, and I know I will do that. It's so, so nice to feel happy, upbeat, joyful. It's intoxicating! It's a gift. I'm not really sure how I deserve to feel so good, but thank God that I do. It's hard to believe.

I know that I will sink into depths again. I always do. Everyone does. I'm getting better in dealing with it, but I still get self-destructive when I go into the dark, and I dread that. I'm not going to give power to those thoughts, though. I'm going to go outside and do some work with the trees on this absolutely pristine autumn day. Brilliant!

Ta for now.

Picture this smile five times larger...

...and you'll get a picture of what I look like right now. Yes, perhaps that's anatomically a bit scary, but still - it's how I feel. I can't stop smiling! Why?

Because I've been extended a year at this job!! I can't even tell you how happy I am about that. To be completely honest, although certainly making a decent wage is important, I was so very much dreading leaving the people I work with here. I love all of them, and I am well aware of what a rarity that is. They have been my main emotional support over the past three years - they have cared about me, put up with me, and been there for me over and over again. Every one of them is dear to me, and that's not hyperbole. I am completely surprised by this - it came out of left field. It also came out of much prayer, I think. I can hardly stand it, the happiness - it's seriously wonderful. I am actually teary about this. My ever-practical boss would scoff, but that's ok because I love him too.

YAY! A thousand times yay!!

Until tomorrow, ta.

:)

More old pictures...

Up in the orchard, a year ago

This should be among the last of the old photos... I should be getting my camera back soon (thanks, Mom!). It was repaired free of charge, as it had something wrong with it that was under warranty. Anyhow...

It's been a rough couple of days. I accidentally told my father something that happened to me a long time ago, something I swore I would never tell him. While I still regret saying what I said, for the pain it caused him and is probably still causing him, maybe it's a good thing that he knows. I think it probably is. It was a stupid way to tell him, though. We were talking, and then having a bit of a disagreement about a political/religious topic (see how stupid? I generally never, ever broach these topics with my dad)... and the past just popped right out of my mouth. I wished instantly that I could suck the words back into my throat, but life doesn't work that way. Pity. Anyhow, what I said hit him very hard. He was hurt, he made threats that he wouldn't talk to me again until I told him certain other things, and then handed the phone to my mom - and refused to talk to me again. Anyone who knows me knows that being deprived of my father is pretty much torture for me. It's such a tough relationship in so many ways. I love him to distraction and I always have. I love my mother and my brother equally as much, but the love I have for my father is crazy and unreasonable at times, which can lead to conflict - and has. Maybe we're too much alike. That was Saturday night, and I don't think I slept much at all. Sunday morning, he called. He was sorry for his reaction, and he told me he loves me and just wants to be there for me. I can't even tell you how my heart sang with those words. I would have been paralyzed if he hadn't called - because I wasn't going to call him. He has changed a lot in the past ten or twelve years, slowly but surely. He still reverts to form more often than I would like, but still... even five years ago, or maybe seven - he wouldn't have called me. Not until I called him first. He did that to me once, years ago - I held out for six months before I finally broke down and called him. And that was over something incredibly stupid! What I told him on Saturday night was very serious. He really has changed. And I love him for it.

I don't mean to exclude my mom in all of this talk - she is my beloved, in so many ways. I wish life had made it so I could spend every day with her - or at least every other. She is easy to love, as is my brother. I think my dad and I are hard to love, in some ways.

Gotta go now. I had an unexpected additional harvest dumped in my lap this morning, and I have a midterm tonight (for which I am ill prepared... ah, well.... sigh....), so lots of work to do.

Before I sign off, I want to thank both Shannon and my brother Brian for taking my teary, frantic phone calls after my conversation with dad Saturday night. Thank you both. Thank you for loving me despite my many, many flaws.

Ta for now.

Black knot

I'm not sure if I've talked about black knot before, but here on a bamboo pole is a bag of black knot lesions. I put it there in order to inoculate the trees (one bamboo pole w/black knots in a bag per tree) with the disease, in order to study the effects of various fungicides. If you are interested in knowing about black knot in detail, here's a good summary: http://plantclinic.cornell.edu/FactSheets/black_knot/blacknot.htm Really, I'm just desperate for photos to post, so here y'go. I don't really have much to say. I'm tired, which is more or less chronic at this point. School is going ok - demanding and busy and frustrating, but ok. I'm feeling a little neutral today. That's certainly better than soul-crushing darkness, to be sure, but it would be a lot more fun if I was happy and upbeat. Can't have everything, I suppose. I am increasingly happy to be here at this lab - I will say that. Funny how your imminent departure forces you to see how good you had it all along. I have honestly loved this place since I came here. I've moaned and complained a lot, but I work with such wonderful people, and I get to do such different, out-of-mainstream work - I'll never be at a place like this again, I'd wager. I complain mostly because I am in pain a lot with my stupid knee doing whatever the hell it's doing pathophysiologically - and so the physical labor I do is really hard. I like physical labor, so it sucks that it's so trying to do these days. Hopefully another surgery will correct this problem. I suppose that's it for now. On the home front, M. is annoyed with me for accidentally leaving a load of laundry in the washer. That was dumb, I know, but I claim extreme tiredness. It was only a blanket and two t-shirts, and I rewashed everything yesterday morning before leaving for work. That's the news. Nothing much happening aside from the usual drudgery. More later - I hope you all are well. Ta.

Again with the tired.

Apricot tree, this time last year

My camera is still away being fixed, hopefully. I miss being able to post pictures. This one is from last year - at the moment, the same tree is still quite green.

So - yep. I'm ridiculously tired. I was tired at the end of the week last week, then had to prep for a camping trip I didn't want to go on. Not to be a spoilsport, but I have so much studying to do it's ridiculous - I have 42 chapters to read before next Tuesday and I was able to read one and a half while camping. Also? I really, really need some down time. Some would consider camping in the Adirondacks with family down time. I do not. People drain me, wear me out (which, hey, yeah! I'm going to be a nurse and I'm a total introvert who lives for alone time! go, Anne!). I spent the entire weekend being social, and spent two nights in a camper that contained three raucous snorers. Also, my frame didn't totally fit on the bed I was dealt, so my feet hung over the end. My knees were not happy with the arrangement and I gimped around in the mornings even more than is usual. Basically, I'm even more tired than I was on Friday. I should have gone to bed earlier than I did last night, but I desperately needed some alone-time, so I didn't. The tiredness is therefore partially my fault. Whatever.

I have a family member who was on the camping trip who has breast cancer. I haven't talked about this because I haven't really dealt with it, in some ways; beyond a hysterical crying fit I had on the phone with my parents, I have been very cool about the whole thing. This weekend, it finally stuck me that she could be gone from our lives sooner than later. I couldn't stop picturing her funeral. I know - that's terribly dark and pessimistic - but it's true. I can't stand it, which is probably why I keep tamping down any feelings I might have on the issue. She's got one more chemo treatment two weeks from now, then a two week break, then six weeks of radiation. It sucks more than I can say - cancer is a true evil. She is a lovely woman, and she has come through this treatment with smiles and flying colors, as befits her sunny personality. She's lost all her hair at this point, but hasn't had too too many sick days. Her cancer is a bad one - aggressive and with a pretty grim prognosis. It is hormone receptor negative, BRCA positive, she had 11 positive lymph nodes, and her mother had breast cancer (she's still living, albeit with a double radical mastectomy). She has been told that she should have a double mastectomy, but she refuses. I don't really know what else to say. I am worried for her, terribly sad about what might be coming... and I'm apparently burying my feelings. How very not unusual for me.

Anyhow... meh. I'm tired and I don't feel like writing anymore.

So - that's all for now, folks. Hope you're all well.

Ta.

In case you were wondering,

yes, I'm still very tired. I have nothing really to report. School continues to spool on. Work continues to be physically demanding, and I've taken to actually swearing at trees when they dare to have fruit so high I need to lug a ladder along. Which happens all too frequently, so there's lots of unnecessary blue language. The trees don't really deserve it, but... but. I discovered tonight that people aren't as un-homophobic as I thought they should be. In my nursing class, no less! That's pretty depressing. I really just don't get why someone's sexual orientation matters to anyone, period. It doesn't figure. What else? Hmm. Beauty. Lots of leaves are changing, skies are lovely, and I have encountered myriad spiders today. As usual, my favorites are the jumping spiders, family Salticidae. They actually look at you - consider you. It's wonderful and hilarious to watch. Not much else is going on that fits writing about right now. On that note, ta. More soon, hopefully.