Again with the tired.

Apricot tree, this time last year

My camera is still away being fixed, hopefully. I miss being able to post pictures. This one is from last year - at the moment, the same tree is still quite green.

So - yep. I'm ridiculously tired. I was tired at the end of the week last week, then had to prep for a camping trip I didn't want to go on. Not to be a spoilsport, but I have so much studying to do it's ridiculous - I have 42 chapters to read before next Tuesday and I was able to read one and a half while camping. Also? I really, really need some down time. Some would consider camping in the Adirondacks with family down time. I do not. People drain me, wear me out (which, hey, yeah! I'm going to be a nurse and I'm a total introvert who lives for alone time! go, Anne!). I spent the entire weekend being social, and spent two nights in a camper that contained three raucous snorers. Also, my frame didn't totally fit on the bed I was dealt, so my feet hung over the end. My knees were not happy with the arrangement and I gimped around in the mornings even more than is usual. Basically, I'm even more tired than I was on Friday. I should have gone to bed earlier than I did last night, but I desperately needed some alone-time, so I didn't. The tiredness is therefore partially my fault. Whatever.

I have a family member who was on the camping trip who has breast cancer. I haven't talked about this because I haven't really dealt with it, in some ways; beyond a hysterical crying fit I had on the phone with my parents, I have been very cool about the whole thing. This weekend, it finally stuck me that she could be gone from our lives sooner than later. I couldn't stop picturing her funeral. I know - that's terribly dark and pessimistic - but it's true. I can't stand it, which is probably why I keep tamping down any feelings I might have on the issue. She's got one more chemo treatment two weeks from now, then a two week break, then six weeks of radiation. It sucks more than I can say - cancer is a true evil. She is a lovely woman, and she has come through this treatment with smiles and flying colors, as befits her sunny personality. She's lost all her hair at this point, but hasn't had too too many sick days. Her cancer is a bad one - aggressive and with a pretty grim prognosis. It is hormone receptor negative, BRCA positive, she had 11 positive lymph nodes, and her mother had breast cancer (she's still living, albeit with a double radical mastectomy). She has been told that she should have a double mastectomy, but she refuses. I don't really know what else to say. I am worried for her, terribly sad about what might be coming... and I'm apparently burying my feelings. How very not unusual for me.

Anyhow... meh. I'm tired and I don't feel like writing anymore.

So - that's all for now, folks. Hope you're all well.

Ta.