Gorging myself...on the internet! Whee!

The bride. Ugh.

Hi there! So yeah, that's me there, pre-wedding. With the nice hair and hands emotive of my despair in trying to figure out how to apply makeup. And again - ugh. What does this have to do with internettiness? Well, all the reading I'm doing - writing by amazing women (those in my sidebar, and their links and commenters) who are honest and real and achieving actual growth. With grace, humility, clarity. I want to be them. I want to stop with all the whining, all the hand-wringing. I have said this on any number of occasions in the past, so I don't expect you to believe I'm suddenly going to burst free from whatever self-imposed chains I'm wearing right now. However, I am getting closer to bending the links of these chains. Gotta say again - it's the medication in the main... it frees me up to actually spend my energy on something other than trying not to die or drink myself to death. It's also my fantastic cadre of friends and family, who continue to love me and believe in me despite the preponderance of evidence that says maybe they shouldn't. It's the spring, my wonderful job, doing well in nursing school, physical activity - it's a lot of things. Point being, I'm starting to feel as though I might be able to make the changes that need to be made. I'm not there yet - I need to really think through what needs to be done, what I want, how things might play out. There is the danger of getting mired in these thoughts, paralyzed by the possibilities, so I will try hard to keep moving even as I think.

Anyway... sorry, I'm just tossing fragments of thought out there. I guess that's how it's going to work for now! On that note, I'm going shopping with my mom. I'm not the shopper - she is - but I do need to spend time with her, and so off we go! More later, and thank you for listening to my meanderings.