I kinda like this shot, actually.
A vain attempt at an artsy shot. Doesn't work, but still - nice color in the face of all the winter blahs.
Very brief appearance of a blue sky - it became grey again about 15 minutes later. Sigh.
View of the back of my tiny, tiny house, freshly painted last summer. Prior to this, it was drab brown on top and beige on the bottom. I much prefer its new look!
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So, yeah. I am officially sick enough of being out of shape and butterballish to actually do something about it. You know how you have to achieve a particular frame of mind before you can successfully undertake a difficult task? I'm finally there. I have been terribly unhappy with my body for going on two years now, ever since the issues with my knees put an abrupt halt to my running days. I think I've kind of been in mourning over that fact - I still have a hard time really understanding that I will never be a runner again. I identify so strongly with that image because I was a runner for so many years; it's been difficult to grasp that I can't be that person anymore. I think my denial has really stood in the way of my getting fit again - ridiculous but true. But I'm there now... and if all goes as planned, I should be back in shape in time for shorts weather in May or June. My diet isn't particularly bad in terms of content (vegetarian and full of whole grains, veggies, etc.), but in terms of portion control? There is none. It's embarrassing to admit such a thing, but there you have it. I've also been fighting a losing battle with depression for the same time period, and I definitely tend to use food as a comfort. It has to stop. I have to get fit. I've been doing a decent job of beginning to address my mental and emotional health, now it's time to start taking care of my physical health too. I'm tired of hating my body, tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, tired of feeling apologetic about how I look to M., my friends, and the world. I know exactly what I need to do, and once I start down the right path, I know I'll be happy to be on it. I'm buying myself a present today - http://www.amazon.com/Weight-Watchers-Versatile-Vegetarian/dp/0764564072. One month from now, if I abide by my diet and exercise plan, I will buy myself a new pair of earrings... and two months from now, I will visit a funky little clothing boutique in Woodstock and get myself a new dress. I'm writing these things here because I want to be accountable - and putting it down in print helps.
I guess that's it for now. Wish me luck!
5 comments:
It's not at all ridiculous that you've been unable to accept the fact that you will probably never be a runner again. I identify you as a runner, too, so it's a bit of a shock for even me to realize it.
It sounds as if you went through the five stages of grief--DABDA--and now you've come to the Acceptance. It's a good thing; it will force you to look for permanent alternatives.
A) You're not a fattie. You're just not. Plus you have really pretty hair and eyes and a great smile.
B) I understand how you feel and think it's wonderful that you are being proactive about your physical health. I've found that the more I focus on my physical health, the happier I am.
C) That's one of my favourite cookbooks! It's so silly, in a way, when there's so many gourmet cookbooks out there. I don't really even know what it is about it. The polenta stuffed red peppers are a go-to fave around here. (Except I make the polenta from scratch b/c it's not v. common to find it pre-made round these here parts. The one time I found it, the sausage casing packaging put me off. Like those processed cheeses you squeeze out of a star-shaped hole. Erk.)
D) Let us know how it goes! Cheering for you. :)
Hi Anne! I can understand mourning the loss of something you really like doing as a physical activity. It SUCKS! I have to say that I never got in to running, but I LOVE to walk! I have a fairly quick regular walking pace, and when I started walking, just for fun,1-2 miles every day, then 8 miles once or twice a week, I lost 20lbs very quickly, in about a month! Take your camera and go on picture walks! I won't wish you good luck cuz' you don't need it. You'll reach your goals, no problem! :]
It is so hard to find anything geared toward a vegetarian diet! I have no doubt that you will succeed. You just had to come to it all in your own time.
That would be a big shock not to be able to run again. Can you find something else to take it's place? Around here, many women row. And I have switched to walking, since my knee is horrid.
And please, explain this concept of "portion control" to me. It sounds very odd. And love your house. I've been wanting a small house like that. The smaller the better!
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