Maybe it seems odd that I am still posting photos despite the apparent chaos in my life. To this I say, yes, maybe. However, it does me good to get outside and see the things that hearten me. And so I do. That means something in my little world; my answer to pain in the past has been rather destructive. That's a habit I am trying not to repeat. More words after the pics.
Just thought this looked cool - no other reason for it.
Common evening primrose, winter version
I know I keep doing the twigs against the sky bit, but it's hard to resist. I haven't quite figured out how to capture how lovely this can be, hence endless photographs that all look the same. In this case, I love the up-curving nature of these little branches.
Alder cones, part one
Alder cones part two, with a backdrop of catkins
Alder catkins. Love the color!
So. My life. I do not have anything new to report right now. We both went to bed - and soundly to sleep - at 7:45 last night. We haven't discussed anything of any seriousness, really. I told him a bit about my therapy appointment - which went well - and I emphasized that I really think medication will help me and therefore us. I didn't push, though. I have become angry about what happened Monday night, but I am trying to understand him, and I am trying not to lash out. I honestly do not know what is left of us. I want to be hopeful. I don't know if I can be, or should be. It's difficult to say very much right now without going off on a jag that will do neither of us justice, so I'll just be quiet for now. I love him, I think he loves me. We've hurt each other an awful lot, though. I don't know. I just do not know what happens next. I can just try to do the next right thing.
That's all for now. I apologize for the abrupt swerve into my personal problems. As I said, I may delete these posts at some point; for now, I will leave them as they are. Again, thank you for listening. Good weekends to you all. Until Monday, ta.
6 comments:
I was so happy to see your post. You always take beautiful pictures--and when I saw the pictures of the small branches, I thought how hopeful they look. Even though trees and shrubs lose their leaves in the winter, they start building their reserves and forming buds for the spring. My squirrels love to eat the baby buds. So, our lives can look bleak, just like the bare branches of winter, but there's a future there. There's hope and beauty hidden in the branches of our lives.
Beautifully said, Sher.
I'm glad to see you again here. Look at all those photos you posted...they're all beautiful and they all hold a promise...I'm sure it will not be that soon and you'll have sunshine again...
Sending you happy thoughts...
(((hugs)))
The fact that you're finding the beauty in the midst of all that seems bleak is so wise.
I've been listening to Pema Chodron read her book "When Things Fall Apart," and I keep thinking you would hear her the way I do. Sometimes you just have to sit with it, feel it, and the key seems to be in letting it wash over you and not take you under.
Like floating back toward shore on your back.
I hear you Anne and you are in my thoughts every day.
Love and peace
Just wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts, Anne. I'm glad to hear that the therapy went well and that it sounds like you're taking care of yourself. Big hugs!
one of the difficult things about having a blog is how to explain when private things happen to you and you need to report them to provide some continuity. for myself, i feel that it's almost like i am telling the story of my life and for the readers that have followed me so far, i feel that they are entitled to some sort of explanation of things. i have yet to find the kind of thing that would make me think about whether to share it or not. for what it's worth, i probably would be very flippant about it, even though it's breaking my heart.
but the act of writing for me is also some measure of therapy. as i write things down, i examine my thoughts and my emotions and my view on things and sometimes--not always--it gives me clarity. and i am able to accept the things for a little while.
re: the branches. there is something mysterious about branches reaching into the sky. there is a certain tree on my route home that i drive by every evening that i always want to stop and take a photo so i can paint it later. it is like the earth and the sky are lovers that are trying to reach each other and the tree are the limbs in which they do so.
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