I am a big dork, just like my mom. Oh, and happy new year! (sez Shelby)
So, hi there. I haven't made the time to post yet because I'm presently consumed with a bit of personal turmoil. I will probably get into parts of it, and leave other parts of it private; I'm just not quite ready to write about any of it yet. Change is in the air - it has to be, otherwise I'm not going to survive. Yes, the depression again, and also yes with some ongoing and increasingly bad relationship issues. Not all his fault, not all my fault, but definitely nothing much in the way of good. And so - more on this topic perhaps tomorrow.
I did not go to Ohio over my break; as seems to be par for the course of my life, I got sick as soon as I had a little down-time. Echoes of college and grad school. I always got sick on the breaks. I guess the body just knows when it can afford to crash. I'm very disappointed - there is very little I would have liked better in this world than to hug my mom, my dad, my brother, and my sister-in-law. I really needed it, actually, so it sucks that I wasn't able to go. I'm on the mend now, with a residual cough and red nose. School (dread rises in my heart) starts in a mere week and a half. This vacation wasn't nearly long enough to cover the exhaustion I felt. I wanted to go into this semester with a better attitude, but right now I honestly don't have it. I hope I can improve my outlook in the next ten days or so; right now, though, the thought of being at school or in clinicals until 11 pm three days a week is enough to make me sink into a deep blue funk. Given that I am presently already residing in deep-blue-funkville, that's not very much fun. Anyhow... yeah. Moving on.
I have no current pictures to share because I need new batteries for my camera. I hope to buy some tomorrow. I have some pretty interesting shots, including some of a massacre that occurred on the front lawn of the lab. Some creature or another got a turkey - all that's left are feathers and wings and a shiny breastbone, all frozen into the snow. Pretty macabre, but also kinda interesting.
My apologies for being a dullard. I'm emotionally rather spent, so I don't have much spark for writing. I wanted to check in, though. I have a laundry list of things I want to accomplish this year, some kinda-sorta resolutions, and of course the superhero plans to share. This pesky emotional crap waylaid me a bit, but eventually I'll have some stuff to talk about. Meanwhile, though, I hope you all had good holidays, and again - happy, happy new year! I wish the very best for all of you. *smooch*
Ta for now.
UPDATE: (January 4th) Had a long, good discussion with M. last night. Maybe things aren't as bleak as I thought. It's a good start, at any rate. Also - I officially have an appointment to talk about starting antidepressant medication. I have the urge to cancel this appointment on a daily basis - I have a ridiculous aversion to the very medication that could assist in a vast quality of life improvement - but I will not do that. I'll stick with it. Stay tuned!
Another thing - happy, happy birthday to Jeci (http://blueyonbelly.blog.com/)!! I hope it's a good one.
Lastly, I am gone for the weekend. I was supposed to have a doctor's appointment this afternoon, a physical so I can start clinicals in a week and a half, but it turns out I am a SINGLE DAY shy of when I had a physical last year. The insurance company, therefore, will not pay for it. So I get to take more time off Monday afternoon to do this all over again. Whee. I'm just glad the nurse noticed the dates - I never would have. I am presently posting from my beloved tiny local library. So, on that note, good weekends to all! Ta.
6 comments:
I am happy to make your acquaintance, Anne! Thanks for leaving a message on my site. I, too, am the type whose body crashes and burns between periods of high stress, and manages to barely recover in time for the next stressor. Sheesh! I hope you feel better and have a Happy New Year....
Hi Anne, please accept my award for you...it's at my site!
I hope you're doing better Anne! We all get a little down this time of year. At least you have this blog as an outlet and can communicate some of what you're feeling. Take care of yourself.
Hey Anne,
Keep talking
I share your feelings about meds.
Keep repeating kindness to yourself, you deserve it.
Love
Well, I'm glad the spider is gone. That thing gave me the willies every time I came to check in on you.
Anti depressants work for me. I take a very low dose, a drop of piss in the ocean my doctor describes it as, but it works. Don't give up if one doesn't work.
Hope you feel better soon. Hugs.
I think your caution with the meds is an indication that you've given this a great deal of thought. And also that maybe you're your own last obstacle. It's hard to give that up because it's known rather than all of the unknown (what will the side effects be, will the meds even help, how long will I have to wait to see effects?). It's also hard because when you feel like you have little control, you grasp tightly at the control you do have. Just know that the decision is yours to make, and no one else's. You are powerful and smart and stronger than you imagine.
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