Feeling very nervous

An attempt at photographing a bird in my office

window feeder, rather unsuccessfully

So. School started last night. It's going to be a long semester. I have class 5 to 7 on Mondays, 5 to 10 on Tuesdays, and 4:30 to 10:30 on Wednesdays. Tuesday and Wednesday are going to feel especially long. I think I would be fine - and I will be - if not for the surgery tomorrow. I have to go over and buy my books & stethoscope & blood pressure cuff today, as I'll be lame for the next few weeks. I need to buy a uniform too, but that will have to wait, perhaps even to be done as an errand on crutches. Whee. I am not allowed to be on crutches once clinicals actually begin (two weeks from today), so here's hoping for a rapid recovery! Physical therapy, here I come. I just have this feeling that there's too much to do and not enough time to do it in today and for the next week or so. I'm stressing myself out.

As I've said, I'm feeling ridiculously nervous. Heart-palpitation-nervous. I have thought about why that is, and I think it's mostly due to fear of having to rely on others, of having to be vulnerable. I'm not accustomed to needing anyone, not really, and now I have to depend on a bunch of strangers to make me well - sans clothing and contact lenses, talk about vulnerability! - and also on M. I trust him to care for me, of course, I guess I just don't like it. I suppose this is a lesson for me - a lesson in trust, and in letting go to some degree. What I'm having done is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Or even on a less grand scale. I'm also a bit afraid of the pain, and of having to tool around on crutches. That latter wouldn't be such a daunting idea except for the fact that it'll make getting to classes more challenging. All in all, I'm probably being rather silly, but there it is. Apparently, I'm rather silly. So be it.

Bird continues to be well - I can hardly believe it. Certainly she's still sick, and her days are limited, but it's been a real blessing to see her make some improvement.

Well, I have a gazillion and a half things to do today, so that's it from me for now. If I don't sign in again later today, I'll be out of here till next week, the 24th. Wish me luck!